by Jody Brown

I’ve put this blog off for weeks. Owning a small business during this pandemic is enough to send the most sane person off the edge.  I’ve run the gamut of emotions.  Some might compare it to a grieving process.  I’ve been angry, sad, and in denial.  There have been moments of acceptance, topped with gratitude to my community, then back to the depths of despair. I haven’t written anything until now because I was, quite honestly, afraid of saying the wrong thing.  I can’t even trust my own emotions. This is a tough time.

This was supposed to be our year.  Sales have been climbing for three years straight.  We’ve established a great customer base, branding, loyalty and a decent following on social media.  We’ve been dreaming up plans to expand, invest in our community, and follow this wave of growth that has happened to us slowly and organically.  We have an honest, loyal, and hardworking staff. We’ve earned a good reputation for quality and consistency over the last three years. Things were really looking up.

When the first hint of pending closures and restrictions starting rearing their ugly head, I imagined a short, well-deserved vacation.  Maybe we would just close temporarily and wait for all of this to pass.  After all, a couple of weeks at home catching up with laundry – maybe getting a little “me” time –  sounded amazing after working non-stop for the past three years. But as I watched developments across the globe, it was clear this wasn’t going to be a quick trial to our business. This is very serious, and there could be long-term consequences of reacting instead of acting. 

All of the sudden, there were very big and terrifying decisions that needed to be made, weighed, and carefully calculated – quickly.  No business classes or books or experience thus far could prepare me for this.  And since there are very few people that can understand this stress, I’ve felt pretty vulnerable and alone during this time.

I have cautiously watched as my sales have declined.  It’s so hard to convince people that are afraid to be out in public to come out and continue to spend money.  How do you make people feel safe in your space?  Cleanliness has always been a top priority for us.  We are hand-washing fools on a regular day.  But now we have to show that we are going above and beyond.  Coffee, bacon, and sausage used to be the aroma of choice when you walked in the door.  Now, it’s more comforting to smell that overtone of Lysol.  We use it on everything.  Our hands are dry and cracked from extra long hand-washing and dipping them in buckets of disinfectant to scrub surfaces.  But still – sales plummet.

More marketing.  New specials. Curb-side pick up. Trying to make it as easy as possible for people to use our services. But still – sales plummet.

We’ve had so much community support.  I see people making the effort to come in. I’ve been overwhelmed with gratitude.  It tells me that they care.  They want us to make it through this.  Every bit helps me keep my doors open.  It helps me pay my bills, pay my employees, and pay my vendors that are also suffering at this time.  But still – sales plummet.

Sleepless nights have ensued. I have tried so hard to build this business the right way.  I have added things as needed, only adding expenses as I knew the business could afford it.  I have never taken a paycheck.  Instead, I put my money back into growing The Atom into something amazing.  It’s been working. It seemed.  But now I’m facing debt, loss of sales, lay-offs… and none of it is my fault.

I watch as things spiral on Facebook and Instagram.  There is so much fear out there.  So many posts about staying home no matter what.  People are even posting that getting take-out is dangerous.  This is an enemy to my business that I can’t fight.

For two weeks, I have seen uncertainty and sadness on the faces of my employees.  This is especially difficult because these guys have become like family to me.  We are a team.  I’ve broken down more than once at the thought of leaving them high and dry, or the possibility of losing them for good if they have to search for work.  I’ve listened as they talk to each other – volunteering to give up hours so those that need them can work more and continue to pay their bills.  They have come to me to reassure me, their boss, that they will understand if I have to cut their hours.  They want what is best for the business. I have no idea what I have done to deserve this team.  I’m doing my best to do right by them.

We’ve altered our hours.  While it may sound counterproductive to shorten our day, it actually allows us to cut operating costs and hopefully increase business during our busiest times of the day.  It is an experiment we are trying – so far with limited success. As of now, we have retained our current employees and are hoping to come back stronger when this is all over.  But we evaluate our situation daily.

Ultimately, we are staying open.  This has been a very difficult decision. I’ve looked at the numbers, and we lose money either way.  So, I choose to lose money still employing my people.  I choose to lose money being a comfort to those who need a little pick me up at this time.  I choose to lose money providing what little service I can to my community. 

I want to thank everyone that is doing their best to support us. I understand you may face a dilemma every time you venture out.  That’s why it means so much to me every time you call or come through the door. I want to reassure you that we are doing everything in our power to keep our environment safe.  And we love to see you.  We love those brief encounters that almost feel normal during this crazy time.  We will make it to the other side of this – hopefully a little wiser and stronger for it. Until then, I want to tell you that I understand. To my regulars I haven’t seen in two weeks, I get it.  We will catch up later.  Focus on what is important for you and your family at this time. When this is all over, we will be here.

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